i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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