She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
