it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
