I want to walk on stilts...naked
honey bunches of taint.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
