I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
