It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
