well I can't set my house on fire every night
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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