Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
