if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
