Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
