fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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