they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
