I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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