what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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