I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
