Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
