I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
