I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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