I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
