i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
