NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
