My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
