Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
