It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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