Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sext me about skeletons
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
