Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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