Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
