I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He felt like a one man threesome
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Houston, we have a blender
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
