and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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