I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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