I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
