i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
