Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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