Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
