goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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