its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We got so high we made milksteak
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
