the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
