I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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