I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize