The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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