Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
