i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
