So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize