I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
