I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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