I smell stomach acid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize