You really coming over, don't trick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
