i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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