Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
