im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
