this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
