I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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