He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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