I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
