You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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