I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
