you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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