he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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