I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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