a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
