i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
