How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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