Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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