i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
