I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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