I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
