Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.

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(714): View more from California

He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...

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(641): View more from Iowa

I think drunk me is trying to kill me.

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(850): View more from Florida

If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.

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