you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my liver is dry heaving
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
