I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
